*4 days before my birthday…*

Preface

On the eve of my birthday, I returned home, having feigned a long day at work just to escape the suffocating atmosphere of my house. After idling in a parking lot for hours, the thought of going back filled me with dread. As I pulled into the driveway, my father emerged, and our brief exchange revealed the unsettling news of my older brother’s incarceration for marijuana possession since the early hours of the morning. His silence on the matter did not surprise me, as I had suspected as much.

Inside, I greeted my mother, who was accompanied by our faithful dog, Brandi. I inquired about my brother’s situation, prompting a hesitant response from my mother, who seemed more concerned with sharing my personal news with him than with keeping me informed. The tension in the air was palpable as my father mentioned having to wait until morning to address the situation, while my mother appeared unfazed, raising questions about her maternal instincts and loyalty.

A note passed to me by my mother, containing forgotten Bible verses I had left under her bed, sparked a heated discussion about faith, family, and hidden secrets. Accusations of rituals and seances flew as I stood my ground, challenging the hypocrisy within our household. My mother’s defensive stance and my father’s dismissal of my beliefs only fueled my resolve to break free from their oppressive influence.

The conversation spiraled into a clash of generations, with my parents questioning my independence and labeling me as disrespectful and flawed. Their attempts to undermine my convictions only strengthened my resolve to seek my own path, free from their judgment and control. As the weight of their expectations and manipulation bore down on me, I knew it was time to break away and forge my own destiny, guided by my faith and inner strength.

In the face of their attempts to stifle my voice and diminish my spirit, I vowed to rise above their limitations and embrace my true self, unapologetically and without compromise. The journey ahead may be daunting, but I am determined to break free from the chains of their expectations and embrace the freedom to be myself, no matter the challenges that lie ahead.

so this is exactly what happened that night…

I come home after pretended to be at work just so I could get out of that house. After sitting in a parking lot for 4 hours, I dread coming back home. As I’m pulling in my dad is walking out. I say hello after he says hi and after I ask him how he his he gives a sheepish alright. Then he breaks the news on my that my older brother was in jail. After I ask he says that he’s been arrested since 2 am for marijuanna possession. As if I didn’t already suspect. He starts asking me if I knew and I quickly check my messages to make sure I didn’t miss anything, but just as I suspected of course my brother didn’t reach out to me. I walk inside the house and great my mother since my dog was sitting on her bed, I diverted my attention to Brandi. And ask my mom if her son was in jail. She pretends like she didn’t want to tell me anything, but is always so quick to tell my business to him, like when she blurted out that I got a new job, telling my business. And my start date has kept being pushed back ever since. I ask them what are they gonna do about my brother and my dad says he has to wait until the morning while my mother is looking completely unphassed. Does she even care about her children? Specifically the son she had during her “hoe phase” with a random man who I don’t even remember the name of. Does she care about her family.Of course I don’t say this out loud. As I’m looking at my mom I see a look in her eyes that says she’s pissed. It takes her a while to pull out a note from her nightstand. And she passed me a note of Bible verses that I slipped under her bed one night a while ago that I had kinda forgotten about. But of course God reveals things at the perfect time. As she’s handing it to me she’s says in a stinging tone “keep that for yourself.”

I tell her I will. I knew that her tone was angry, but somehow im shocked and wondering what for? It was only bible scriptures to the religion that had me baptized in. but for some reason, She looked pissed. As if she wasn’t the one that forced me to get baptized in the first place and introduced me to the God whose words those are in her hand. She asks me to explain why this was in her room, under her bed. and of course this was going to turn into me bringing up the idolotry behind her sorority again.  As if she was feeling convicted, she ask me if I’m referring to Delta. Bingo, atleast that was the intention when I did it months ago. I didn’t even tell her so i know the conviction was there. She begins to cause me of putting a ritual on her and questions me about my motives for putting Bible verses under her bed. and questioning me about what these verses meant pertaining to her precious organization. It seemed like i was disrespecting her religion. As if it was a bad thing to give her bible verses. Accusing me of having a seance. She tells me I hope you don’t believe in that stuff and I tell her that I do 100% and she says well as if she wanted me to say no. Or as if she knew a little more than she was letting on. I stand my ground and tell her that she hasn’t responded to any of the videos I have sent to her talking about the origins of her secret society. And she of course tells me that I need to mind my business talking to me as if I want her daughter. Like I was a stranger and the “sisters” in her sorority came before me everytime. It wasn’t that she was confronting me about putting the verses under her bed it was how she was doing it. Like I didn’t something so wrong and she was trying to switch the subject from her to me. Front the intention behind it to me doing it herself. She says that she will do whatever she wants and she has made her decision and she remembers the oath she took and of course my dad comes to join in and defend his wife. Suddenly the conversation turns into me talking about the generational curse the oaths had brought into our lives to my dad saying that I need to give up that victim mentality. While my mom is just eating the chaos up not saying a word. That’s what witches do manipulate then watch the mess they make. And suddenly it turns into a lecture. I’m disrespectful. I’m arrogant. Im aggressive. I’m this. I’m that and nobody wants to look at themselves in the mirror. I am the scapegoat of course. I continue to divert the attention from me to the topic at hand. Her sorority and I talk about how it manipulated the Bible and that is against the religion she “looks” to uphold. The kicker of the conversation was when she says that she reads the Bible and her being in the sorority was how she felt about it. I had to state that it wasn’t about her feelings it was about God and his word that she supposedly reads. And starts quoting the scripture that says though shall honor thy mother and thy father to live a long life. Why do I feel like she was threatening my life? And how is it disrespectful when I choose not to agree with every mundane thing you say to me? So of course I had to tell her that Satan knew the scripture as well and she told me that I need to check the devil inside of me as well. And then of course she had to say that if I was talking to my grandma how I’m talking to her she had every right to leave and I said that was her right and I have the right to express myself even when people that feel like they are older and wiser than me disagree. How do we go from me standing up for my beliefs to constantly being called disrespectful or flawed? Then to manipulate the situation, she tells me that I have a personal problem with everybody in my family which is far from the truth. As if that was apart of the conversation at all? As if she didn’t have her own problems with the people in our family, dads mom, dads brother, dads dad, dads sister. Why do I feel like she’s trying to make me look bad? Why do I feel like she’s trying to throw something in my face? I see my mother exactly for who she is. It doesn’t help that my own dad was mocking my beliefs says that I’m talking about God and religion and blah blah treating it as something miniscule says that he is blessed and he did this for himself and blah blah when he didn’t and that he’s sticking with his wife and I need to learn how to humble myself. He didn’t do all that in his life. God did.  But I have to humble myself? Suddenly it’s all starting to make sense. My mom has been against me and my dad is just the same. Then somehow the conversation turned from the reason I put scriptures under her bed to my dad says that im dependent on them for everything so that means I need to stop having all these opinions because the way talk to people is disrespectful then of course my mom had to

Bring up a story she’s been holding onto for the perfect moment to say it in front of my dad instead of telling me right then and their that she thought it was disrespectful. That right there shows what it means to be financially abused and gaslit. Then had the nerve to ask me the next day what I was doing for my birthday. Of course she asked me after she told me to clean the bathroom even though it was my brothers turn. And he hadn’t done it when she ask. But when it’s my turn to clean the bathroom she tells me to have it don’t by a certain time. And she gives him the luxury of doing it months later that she dumps it on me. why are you asking me about my birthday? Like you even care. The same people that have made my life a living hell and disguise it with a little cash. I will never forget this conversation. I’m don’t trying with my family. How do they somehow turn me spreading the word of God into something bad. Only them. But Gld sees everything and I hope he is proud of me. But I need to move out. Why is it that people are aloud to talk to you any kind of way and never take your feelings into consideration but the minute you say something that they don’t agree with all of a sudden you are the rudest person ever. If I have to compromise my emotions and opinions for the sake of respecting an elder. I don’t want that elder to have any sway over my life once so ever and frankly I feel like they are holding me back and holding me down. Why are women called aggressive for not being in  agreement? Maybe that’s why some people try to squash any form of self expression for a women at a very early age. Maybe that’s why fathers stop loving their daughters the same after puberty. Maybe that’s why mothers are in secret competition with their daughters and vow to keep them in their place. Then my dad proceeds to say that sometimes I just need to be quiet and it’s not my place. Why do I feel like I’m being silenced but then they stress that I don’t let them in when they talk to me as if they are dismissing me. As this is going on and he is mainly trying to turn this into a lecture instead of a discussion, I shut down because I have no more fight left in me. And anytime that he is questioning me telling me to give examples of this this and that I say that it’s not my place and if you care enough to get revelation, ask God yourself.